How to survive a C-section: part 1

When I got pregnant in January 2011 I Had my birth plan set in stone and I was so excited to become a mother. Everything from prenatal vitamins to yoga. I wanted the perfect vaginal delivery with pain medications. My pain tolerance was lower then the number 0. I was terrified of giving birth vaginally but I was so excited to give birth the way God intended my body to do. I always said, "I am blessed to be a woman because I get to experience labor and delivery." as painful and long it is, nonetheless a wonderful rapturous gift. I was prepared for the tearing. I was ready for my 20 year old vagina to be forever changed. I was most importantly ecstatic and ready for pushing my daughter out into the world, possibly pulling her the rest of the way with my hands. She was going to enter the world with her mother holding her and it was an absolute dream come true. Except that's exactly what it was, a dream.
On October 11, 2011 after laboring for 26 hours and pushing for an hour and a half my doctors where getting worried. I didn't know that there was something wrong. I was in so much pain, my back felt like glass was grinding against my spine, I was so tired and images of my daughter were dancing around behind my eye lids as I closed my eyes for my last push. My mom grabbed my hand. I looked up at the dim lights above my hospital bed. An oxygen mask was being placed on my face and doctors were running around the room in a calm manner. I was oblivious to the fact that something was seriously wrong.
"what's going on?" I croked, out Of breathe I was and extremely sweaty.
Suddenly my Doctor who has been by my side for months doing the weekly vaginal exams, hooking me up to non stress tests and stopping my pre term labor was by my side once again. Then I knew, something was wrong.
"Natalie." he calmly said in a smooth doctor voice that says -I'm about to tell you something horrible but I'm trying to make it as painless as possible- "There are some complications regarding The baby's position and it's causing her to go Into stress. Her heart rate is dropping. We're going to have to perform an emergency cesarean or try retrieving her with forceps."
What? This isn't part of my plan. This must be a terrible nightmare. I'll wake up any moment and the doctors will tell me they can see Lily's head, she's almost here! It has to be a nightmare because this isn't how things were supposed to be.
"Natalie, what will it be?" My doctor asked. He sounded frustrated, like he's asked me this question already.
I turned to my mom. "what should I do?" I asked her terrified.
"I cant tell you what to decide Natalie but forceps can really screw up a baby and it may not work." My mom replied in haste. She held my hand very tight. My mom wasn't a very affectionate person but she made it clear that moment the love.
"I guess I'll have the c-section.." I mumbled and looked up at the ceiling, I began to sob. Everything seemed to move rather quickly after that. Doctors and nurses and med students were chattering away and bumping me up first on the OR list. A woman was jabbing needles in my thighs, waist and calves. I was crying an holding onto my moms hand for dear life as I shifted the oxygen mask that was on my face. I closed my eyes for just a moment, I swear it was a moment! I lifted my lids and I was starring up at the brightest light I had ever seen.
"where's my mom?" I exclaimed in panic. I was shaking uncontrollably and my teeth were chattering like broken glass. My hand felt warm and I looked over and my mom was standing by my side in scrubs from head to toe. My oxygen mask was gone and my mom looked at me with confidence but it was clearly masking her worry.
"your going to feel some pressure Natalie." My doctor said calmly from behind the blue sheets hanging below my neck. He has been trained so well in situations like this, his confidence calmed me a little. But, it quickly wore off as soon as I felt that blade glide across my lower abdomen. I was panicking again. My heart felt like it was going to explode out of my chest. I was so sure I was having a heart attack.
"mom, I can't do this." I cried out. Nurses from all different directions swarmed towards me. What the fuck? I thought.
"You need to calm down Natalie" they all put their hands on my shoulders and another grabbed my other hand.